A Better Choice
by Aquatic-Idealist
Summary: Plagued by Complaints, the Celestial Bureaucracy gives the Heroes of the Three Kingdoms one more chance at life, but many of these stars decided to shine Elsewhere... Oneshot. (Language Warning)


_These Stars, Who Shone So Brightly, Now Have The Chance To Shine –_ Koei, Inc. Romance of the Three Kingdoms XI

_Inspired by a chat with SilentNinja:_

A Better Choice

"**Welcome to the Department of Reincarnation. Please take a number and have a seat."**

Lu Xun looked around the room nervously, carefully eyeing the various clusters of people.

"This is the afterlife." A voice called out from within the mob. A bitter tone settled in Boyan's heart as he turned towards the speaker.

Sima Yi sneered at him. "There's no need to look so worried, kid. You are dead. We are all dead. Any regrets you have in life can be tossed aside. Now we wait for our second chance."

The younger scholar shook his head, smiling as he finally found his party. "Second chance?" He parroted. "I only came here because I saw the coupons posted among the clouds."

"You're in good company, then!" Lu Su called. "Everyone's here... _Everyone_." His perpetual grin morphed ever so slightly and briefly as Sun Hao strolled past.

"44!" Some old lady somewhere screeched.

"Why must we wait for each of our turns?!" Zhong Hui growled among the mob. "Why can't we **all** dictate our reincarnation? We're in the afterlife, it's not like we're limited by gravity, time, or physical bodies!"

"Very well..." The old lady voice faded, and Guan Lu, along with Zuo Ci, suddenly appeared in the center of the room!

"You are here today because there were complaints about how your lives were tumultuous and painful. The Celestial Bureaucracy shall grant you one new life, a life whose destiny can be determined by your own free will."

At this Lu Bu spoke loudly from his corner of the room.

"Chen Gong!"

There was an exhausted sigh.

"What?"

"What's he talking about?"

And Chen Gong groaned.

"He's giving us a second chance at life." Jia Xu grinned. "Master Zuo, you are a Godsend. Everyone, consider your next words very carefully!"

"Indeed. For example, Lord Zhou Yu here had an illustrious career. Would you like to con-?"

"Of course not!" Zhou Yu crossed his arms.

"What?!" Lu Xun and Zuo Ci gasped at exactly the same "time."

"You just said that we could choose our destiny, yes?"

"Indeed."

"Then where's the sense in going to war, killing people, and exhausting ourselves over the fate of our respective nations all over again?"

"Exactly!" Sima Yi chirped.

"But, Lord Zhou Yu..."

"I have seen the terror of war and bloodshed. I have even contributed to the deaths of thousands. Everyone in this room has blood on their hands. I for one refuse to continue such atrocities. I am fond of music: why don't you let me share that music with the world? Let me serve the people in a different way, enriching their lives with my music." Zhou Yu smiled.

"V-very well." Zuo Ci nodded and whipped out a notebook. He quickly scribbled that wish.

"I must say! Gongjin's logic is brilliant. Hey, Kongming, since you seem to know everything..."

Zhuge Liang chuckled as he tried to hide his blushing face with his fan.

Sima Yi continued: "What's my favorite food?"

"Chicken!"

"Exactly. So, if Lord Zhou Yu can be a concert musician and enrich the world with his music, then I wish to be the founder of a fast food chain, specializing in Chicken!"

"Alright..." Zuo Ci's eyes wandered uneasily across the other attendees.

Zhou Yu grinned. "In that case, I am sure there are others who would want a different career path. Master Yuan Shao, you were a great leader of men, perhaps you'd like to be a motivational speaker of some sort? Perhaps the head of a worthy nonprofit organization?"

Yuan Shao grimaced. "Well, actually I had a decent military career. I wouldn't mind continuing it. What do you think, Meng- Wait, I'm not talking to you!" The proud aristocrat scoffed at his former friend.

Cao Cao smiled sheepishly. "War is war, Benchu. They always said that I'd be a crafty hero in times of chaos, and my accomplishments speak for themselves. I would not mind being a world leader!"

Zhuge Liang, Lu Su, and Lu Xun all stared at him with their eyes wide open.

"Is that your final answer?" Zuo Ci smirked.

Cao Cao scoffed. "Of course it is! I shall be a world leader!"

"As will I!" Cao Pi jumped out of his seat.

"Me too!" Yuan Shu waved his hand excitedly.

"I also!" Han Xuan cheered.

"I must spread the light of Daoism! I must spread the Gospel! I will be a religious leader!"

"O-"

Zhang Jiao continued before Zuo Ci could finish his reply. "I can't stop, I won't stop, I have a neeeed not to stop. Let me spread the Word throughout the land!"

"And I must insist upon my legacy! I will also vie for control of the land! My honor demands it!" Zhong Hui growled, quickly stood up, and clenched his fists as though he meant to use them.

Zuo Ci nodded. "So that makes five reborn dictators and one religious fanatic. How about the rest of you?"

Zhang Fei stood up. "Well! If Sima Yi can make his dumb chicken stand then I demand the right to sell my wares! I sliced the best meat in the Empire, so I should be the new CEO of Zhang Fei's Beef!"

Sun Ce shrugged. "I was always good at sports. Maybe while Gongjin plays music I can play professionally?"

"So Sun Bofu chooses a career in foot-ball. Interesting..."

"I want to be a Federal Prosecutor!" Jia Xu cried.

"And I shall teach High School!" Guan Yu stroked his magnificent beard.

"I would like to join Master Zhou's band..." Cai Yan blushed slightly.

"... And I'd be an Arsonist." Zhu Ran giggled, twiddling his fingers.

Zuo Ci groaned as dozens of people fell over him with their demands, and Guan Lu could only sigh as he considered how they'd try to murder him over the Bureaucracy's waiting times.

* * *

_**Twenty Five "Years" Later**_

Agent Silent Panda shuffled along under a cardboard box, sneaking up on yet another terrorist. As the fool failed to look behind him, Silent Panda threw off his box, tackled his opponent to the ground, and slit his throat.

"James Wei!" A voice cackled from his radio.

"Dammit, Mark, we need to be professional!"

"Oh, sorry..." Mark Soo, Agent Wei's long-time partner who somehow never managed to leave his side, stammered an apology as Wei quickly scanned his surroundings.

"Codename, Otakuon, Codenames..."

"Of course, Agent Panda!"

And Wei's groan alerted the entire complex.

* * *

_CCTV Evening News, with English subtitles:_

"Famed singer Zhou Wenlong caused quite a stir when he was spotted at his local Sima's Fried Chicken, which just so happens to be the very first restaurant of that famed fast food chain! The Founder of the franchise just so happened to be present at his shop, and was quick to draw customers and curious passers-by to the scene. Our excellent microphones just so happened to pick up their conversation:"

_Zhou Wenlong mumbled as both men tried to smile for the camera._ "I swear I know you from somewhere."

_The Founder of Sima's Chicken mumbled back as he flashed his teeth for the camera_: "We're both very successful people in our respective professions. It's fate, just embrace it!"

"If viewers were looking closely, you could even see their lips move! But now we move on to our top story: Karl 'Cowl' Kao of Hong Kong is about to go on trial for his horrific deeds. The Triad Kingpin is said to have murdered over twenty people in a brutal attack at a local branch of the famed Zhang Fei's Beef food store. Prosecuting Attorney Jane Xu-Wallace claimed that "Justice will be served" as Kao entered the courtroom and was escorted away from reporters. This reporter hopes that he gets locked up for a very long time.

"The situation certainly does not help Zhang Fei's Beef at all, as stocks in the company have plummeted since the company's CEO got into an altercation with the CFO of Sima's Fried Chicken. The backlash on social media is almost horrifying...

"After the break, we'll learn the truth about North Korea. Will Kim Yoon-Soo inherit Kim Jong-Un's empire?"

_Fin_

* * *

Author's Note: There is an old legend which states that chicken was indeed Sima Yi's favorite food. There's a specialty dish from his hometown: Chicken marinated with Yams. Sadly, he did not leave us his personal recipe.

Zhang Fei's beef, on the other hand, is a real-life food chain. Some of their stuff is actually quite good!

And yes, here in the United States we have a sport called soccer. The rest of the world knows it as football which is confused for yet another sport over here. I added the hyphen to avoid confusion from my fellow Americans.

So before you ask:

Jiang Wei = Solid Snake

Ma Su = Otacon

The Artist known as Zhou Wenlong used to be known as Zhou Yu way back when.

While the Founder of Sima's Fried Chicken should be obvious.

Jia Xu = insert any female attorney from any spinoff series of Law and Order.

And Cao Cao, Zhang Fei, and good ol' Yuan Shu's fates should be known to you!


End file.
